Angry… Black… huh?

What’s up with the “angry Black woman”? She’s probably depressed and she doesn’t know it. She probably feels defeated or frustrated or lost, but she pushes forward… with a perpetual negative outlook on life, a tendency to not trust anyone, a fuse that is short, and a countenance that says “try me if you want to”, even to people who likely had no intention of doing such.

We often hear about this woman, and the story is usually followed by something like “ain’t nobody got time for that”, but maybe that’s a great part of the problem. Aside from that, how often do we see women, including these “angry Black women” who stick by men who are ALSO depressed, and constantly self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, and/or women?

Not only are they sticking by these men, but trying their best to pull them up, give them support, and even financially provide for them…. anything she can do to help him to recognize or fulfill his potential… even if, for her, it’s nothing but detrimental.

It doesn’t matter that he may be just as emotional, or more so, since anger is a completely acceptable emotion from men. He may have just as short a fuse, and he might erupt… all over her… physically. He may be listless and lack motivation to do much of anything. He still won’t be bad-mouthed to degree she is.

Despite the MANY examples of issues among men, it is SHE who has a bad rep and who has become the butt of far too many jokes. Yet the man who’s need for help is more evident, or at least more readily recognized, can consistently resist and refuse the various tools available to help rectify his issues, and people will not only be accepting of it, but also assist him in engaging in the unhealthy behaviors.

I remember, when I was a pre-teen and early teen, people would always say to me “smile” or “who pissed you off?”. I didn’t know what they were talking about. Nothing was wrong with me, as far as I knew. I was looking normal… just happened that my normal face looked mad or sad. I didn’t know, till later, that I was depressed.

Not every person who is depressed will be angry, or drink or do drugs. The methods of self-medicating may vary, and the behavior and attitude may also. No matter what, the person doesn’t likely realize what’s going on, doesn’t have much control over how they respond to it, and the necessity for understanding and help is the same.

Me Too … And For Our Brothers Who’ve Suffered….

I am a survivor. Like many women, I made I suffered through sexual abuse, but I am one of far fewer who has managed to reach a place of peace after the turmoil.

I hope to see more and more acknowledgement and openness on the subject. I really feel that awareness and being educated about the issue is one of the very necessary things that can help to reduce such horrendous assault.

The issues are so deep, and have been for so long, yet the surface of the problem is largely still untouched. We need more depth, more listening in spite of discomfort, more insight for prevention, and also hope to see the conversation open up more to increasingly acknowledge the males who have suffered.

As a mother of two boys, and a survivor, I know that the sickness that exists in the mind of a monster who would violate a child isn’t something the average person can comprehend. There is no reason to it, there is little logic that one can apply to it. There is no rule that men only molest/rape girls, or that women don’t molest/rape boys or girls.

Boys have suffered, and do suffer, either in silence, or under a guise of macho-ness and faux manhood, or otherwise. They suffer in various ways, and they outwardly exhibit that suffering in similar ways to the sistas who are called frigid or those called this and hoes. The difference is that many of the various displays of pain go unrecognized because they are mistaken for other things, including male-ness.

Our brothers suffer, even unknowingly, as many of our sisters do. Sadly the magnitude and extent to which they suffer is often difficult to assess because they typically feel that they can’t tell anyone, or that there’s nothing negative to tell (especially when the offender was a woman).

There needs to be such an outcry, such an outpouring of information and support for one another, and an end to ducking the subject. Let’s put aside our discomfort with the conversation, and let’s fully address it.

You deserve to be mo better!

A Mother Officially Sentenced to Jail for Refusing to Vaccinate Her Child

After a battling with the courts, Rebecca Bredow, who refused to vaccinate her 9-year-old son, has been officially sentenced to spend 7 days in jail. This is like a nightmare for all of those who do all they can to protect their children from vaccines.

Bredow’s ex-husband, James Horne, has been trying, for over a year, for her to vaccinate. He took her to court, even though he had previously signed a vaccine waiver for their son, for religious exemption.

Rebecca says that the courts didn’t really hear side, but ordered her to vaccinate, regardless of the fact that she is primary caregiver to her son. It’s been stated that she originally agreed to comply, but never did.

This mom stated that she’d rather go to jail than to go against her beliefs, so the judge slapped her with contempt of court for which she’ll be doing this 7-day stint. What will happen, once she’s released, is anybody’s guess, but it’s certain that many parents are rooting for her to continue to stand her ground.

What could be the worst to come out of this court case, is that it could all be out spite. It’s possible that the child’s father had such a drastic change of heart due to demands for child support from his ex-wife.

For a parent to put a child’s health at risk for a possible future play for sole custody, or joint custody, in order to avoid financially supporting the child, is disgusting. It’s bad enough that pharmaceutical companies put children in harm’s way, for financial gain, but to have a parent play into that for his own financial gain is unfathomable.

This is hopefully a wake up call to other parents who may feel secure with a current agreement, from their significant other, to not vaccinate. Moms and Dads may need to look into having something more solid than a waiver form or verbal agreement between you and the other parent to your child(ren).

You deserve to be mo better!

Mom Threatened With Jail Time For Not Vaccinating Her Child

A Metro Detroit area mother may go to jail if she doesn’t vaccinate her son. This mom, Rebecca Bredow, believes that parents should have the right to determine what is and isn’t approved for their own child.

While she’s exactly right, the problem is that the demand to vaccinate originated from her ex-husband. Although Rebecca is the primary care-taker, she and her ex share custody. He has just as much right to determine what takes place with their child as she does, and despite having initially agreed with her on minimizing vaccines, he has since changed his mind.

If you’re a parent who understands the many dangers of vaccines, then this story might concern and infuriate you, as it should. However, this can be a lesson for all. There are many parents who, whether together or separated, agree not to vaccinate their children, but a person can change their minds.

It behooves everyone to make sure that both parties understand the risks, having done research themselves. It might also be possible to avoid such issues, down the road, if some sort of legally binding agreement is drawn up and signed by both. Whether or not this is possible may depend on the home state, but it’s definitely worth looking into.

Our children deserve to be mo better!

Bisexual High School Student Stabs Bully To Death

Just because you don’t agree with someone’s way of life, doesn’t mean you set your focus on targeting them in an effort to harass or bully them.  (more…)

Get Your Cuddle On!

Human touch is very important to an individual’s well being. Even just a quick hug can be good, but holding that embrace, or cuddling, can be even more beneficial. Premature, fragile infants in intensive care cuddle programs, gain more weight, have improved mental development, and are typically discharged earlier than babies who aren’t in the program.

Cuddling isn’t only for little ones It’s for everyone, of all ages, and it’s a great relationship enhancer that can help you and your partner in several ways.

Cuddling is a display of support and love that increase relationship satisfaction and endurance. Not only is it deeply intimate, it’s a show of companionship and trust, helping to bring both people closer, literally and figuratively.

If you tend to be stressed, or if you’re struggling with depression, cuddle sessions with your love can reduce the stress and serve as a means for you to comfort each other. Cuddling releases Oxytocin, which is a hormone involved in orgasm, parent-infant bonding, social interaction empathy, generosity, and also stress reduction and depression as it decreases cortisol production.

Those who experience issues with sleep, will appreciate the sleep -enhancing benefits of a good cuddle. The release of more Oxytocin and reduction of Cortisol can improve sleep. Not only will stress be reduced, but certain nutrients will be more available to you, especially magnesium. Magnesium becomes lowered when under stress. Having more of it available improves sleep and can even improve restless leg syndrome, which can interfere with sleep.

These are just some of the great effects of cuddling. Click here to find out about several more! Cuddling is easy and free, and great for both of you. Make it something you do for each other often. Healthy relationships are part of a healthy lifestyle. You deserve to be mo better!

Let’s All Get Naked!

In societies and groups where people wear the most clothing, rape and molestation are highest. Just let that sink in for a minute. 

In this society, the naked body is often viewed as either disgusting or sexual; something to be hidden. A mother who wants to breastfeed without forcing her infant to rebreath Co2, being covered with a blanket, are crazy or indecent. Women who wear clothing that is “too revealing” are typically considered to be hoes. 

Much of the issues concerning the human body are more geared toward women, while men can wear short shorts and no shirt and no one would blink an eye, except maybe to laugh because his shorts are “too small. However, for either a man or a woman to be naked, isn’t just illegal, but shameful in the public eye; an assault even. 

Someone told me that people need to wear clothes, or dress a certain way because sin is in the world now (as in since “Adam & Eve”). Yet, to this day, there are remote areas with people who know nothing about wearing clothes and they know nothing about rape, until outsiders come, bringing rape and clothes. 

Even in so-called advanced societies, there are nudist groups and nude beaches, where folks freely have discussions and meetings, play sports, relax… completely NAKED. Yet, incidents of rape aren’t high among these groups. It’s not considered a risk factor for rape to be in one of the groups. 

While I think that nudist groups are weird and creepy, maybe even gross, I realize that that mindset is part of unnatural programming I had no control over, and that the reality is it’s FREE, NATURAL, and BEAUTIFUL, not shameful or nasty. Only our imbalanced programmed thoughts are nasty, creepy, weird. 

The more we program ourselves in perverse, imbalanced, ways, the more perverse and imbalanced our societies become. We think we’ve progressed. We think we evolved. We just kid ourselves and watch, in horror, the outcomes of our misled thinking.

So, while we aren’t quite ready for a naked revolution, I hope we give serious consideration to how we frame our thinking and to how our thinking has been influenced. Active thinking, rather than passive, is the healthiest thinking. 

You deserve to be mo better!

SSSHHH….

There are often many things within in our lives that we deal with that bring about a certain level of shame or embarrassment. For instance, have you ever been sitting at a red light minding your own business with your finger knuckles deep in your nose and you look over and the driver next to you is literally staring at you, embarrassed much? Or have you ever been in class taking a test and the teacher catches you red handed staring a hole in your neighbor’s paper because you didn’t have a clue what the answers were? Sure, we all have experienced one of these things before, if not both. These things may bring about a level of shame or embarrassment but more than likely you could tell your friends about it and you guys would have a great laugh. On the other hand, there are things that bring about shame or embarrassment that we wouldn’t dare discuss with anyone. Maybe your father is someone that you have never met before and could possibly be your next door neighbor but you wouldn’t know it because you have literally never seen his face before. Maybe you’re 15 years old and have 3 younger siblings who you have to take care of yourself because your mother is too busy and concern with her “man” who has no consideration for you or your siblings. These things we do not dare speak about to anyone; in fact, we hold them in until the point that we drive ourselves insane. On the outside, we seem fine but we are literally dying on the inside. These mental issues are just a few of the things that we within the African American community are dealing with on a daily. And it is these things that we must begin to discuss.

Mental health within our community is something that is taboo or looked at like something that you do not discuss with others. We have been brought up to think that if one is seeking out the help of a mental health professional that one is “crazy” or “weak”, this is such a ridiculous way of thinking. This idea that you must be “crazy or weak” to be going to see a mental health professional is killing our community and it must come to an end immediately.

Life is hard no matter what background one comes from but especially if one is coming from our community. We can argue all day about what the root cause of our condition is but that is for another day (don’t get me started, lol). Today we must begin to focus on ourselves and begin to become our own saviors, instead of blaming others for our problems and expected them to get us out of them. This begins with us talking, and not to those around us who are dealing with the same issues that we are, this will gets us nowhere. It’s no secret the problems that we are dealing with in our communities, lack of education, which leads to low paying jobs, which leads to poverty, which turns into hopelessness. This hopelessness turns into us giving up and turning to things that make us “feel good”, like sex, drugs, and alcohol. We turn to these things because they are all escapes, from the real things that we are going through that we desperately don’t want others to know about.

Try this story on for size.

Here we have a 15-year-old African American girl whose father is incarcerated and she hasn’t seen since she was 3 years old. Her mother is too busy for her because she is too caught up in living her “own life”. She had her daughter when she was 15 and feels she never had an opportunity to live “her” life. So, the girl turns to a young man who may be dealing with similar issues so they confide in each other emotionally but because they are too young to understand these emotions they believe that they are in love and began to have sex. Well, she becomes pregnant, she drops out of school in order to take care of the child that is inevitably on the way. The young man who is just as much responsible for the pregnancy as she is disappears literally because he has never had a father around so he has no clue of how to be one himself. The girl has the child who is a beautiful little baby boy but being a teenage mother she is barely making it. She is on her own and has little to no education. So what does she do, turn to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain that she is feeling of not being able to adequately provide for her son, that she so deeply loves. Now, here we have a young man whose father has never been around and mother couldn’t cope with the pain of being alone, so he, in turn, is also alone. It is this loneliness that kills. How does this kill exactly you might ask? Well, the young boy because of his loneliness turns to some “friends’ who are involved in selling drugs, they show him and “love” so he begins to sell drugs too. Then the young man meets a girl who he eventually gets pregnant and the day the baby is born the young man is gunned down in the streets due to a drug deal went bad and the cycle continues.

This story could have had a different outcome. If in the beginning that 15-year-old girl would have sought out the help of a mental health professional to talk to instead of the young man. This story could have turned out totally different. If that young lady seeks out the guidance of a mental health professional who specializes in these sorts of cases she could have begun to heal that pain and loneliness that she was feeling. Instead of getting pregnant and dropping out of school she could have gained control of her thoughts and feelings. She could have eventually graduated from high school and enter into college or into the workforce. Once she had gained control of her mental health she would be able to choose a young man for herself who is responsible and in the same good place mentally that she is in. They could acquire gainful employment, get married and begin to have children together, cycle ended.

It is impossible for us to deal with these sorts of issues alone; the only outcome of doing so will be a negative one. The story may not end in such a manner as I just previously described but we all know stories that have ended this way. As a matter of fact, the story very well could be our story, if so it’s never too late to seek the counsel of a mental health professional. Why is it that the African American community has such an issue with seeking this professional help that I speak of? There are many different answers to this question but my answer is, often times the professional that we seek out doesn’t look like us, therefore, we don’t trust them. This is very understandable. We are most comfortable with those who are like us this is just a fact of life. Well, there are those who look like us out there to help. It is up to us within the mental health profession to make ourselves available and become a staple of the community. Our minds are the only thing that can raise us up from the condition that we are in. We must begin to lift this idea that speaking about our problems to mental health professionals makes us “weak” or “crazy”. As long as we have this mentally towards mental health, I hate to say it but we will continue to remain in the state of mind that we have been in for WAY too long.

If you find yourself in a place where you feel that you are all alone with dealing with the issues of life and things are beginning to become too stressful for you to handle. Email me at ahumbledsinner2528@gmail.com and I’ll help you get in touch with someone in your area that can help you find the resources that you need.

 

“Mind Health” in the African American community!!!

Everything we do we think in our minds first. There is no action that takes place that the mind does not first give thought to. Our minds are the driving force directing us toward our future. Before I sat down to type this post I first wrote it down but before that I thought about it and now here you are reading it. Reading what was once in my mind and is now a reality. This is how EVERYTHING was and is created.

Our mind is the most powerful thing that we as human beings have. In fact our mind is the most powerful thing on planet earth today. Literally everything you are seeing with your eyes right now was once a thought in some human being’s mind first. Gain control over your mind and take control of your life. So if this is so why is it that we pay so little attention to our Mental Health or “Mind Health” as I like to call it. When I speak of “we” I am speaking to the African American community, my community.

The word “mental” simply means “mind” so from here on let’s call it “Mind Health”. When one is sick with an ailment of the body that person goes to see a physician or a doctor as we call them in order to see what the problem is within their body. If this person goes long enough without seeing a doctor for their ailment the condition could worsen and become a bigger problem than it initially was. If this is the case when one becomes physically ill, what makes us believe that this same criterion is not to be applied with our “Mind Health”.

We must begin to be honest and start to admit to ourselves that yes life does get difficult sometimes and that we are not as strong as we tend to put on. Once we admit this to ourselves then we can begin the process of “Mind Healing”. One myth that hangs around our community is that the “pastor” can fix it I’ll just go talk to him. Now don’t get me wrong I understand this line of thinking, in fact have acted out on it myself. What I had to realize and what we must all come to realize is that God has equipped people in the world to help us specifically with our “Mind Health” and those are the people we should seek when dealing with life and all the problems that it brings.

The African American community, my community must put an end to this stigma that we have placed on “Mind Health”. It is literally killing us and continuing the poverty and mis-education we see within our communities. We are literally “trapped” by our own minds which in turn produces a lack of vision which is what is keeping us in continuing poverty and mis-education.

For example, it is this poverty that keeps us from being able to pay our bills on time which brings anxiety, it is this anxiety of not being able to pay our bills on time that brings about a depression and it is this state of being depressed that brings about suicidal thoughts all things that plaque our communities in high numbers.

All these things are things that “ALL” take root in our Mind. We MUST lift up our mind and our condition will soon follow, for it is this and only this that will bring about the change that I know we so all desperately want to see.